Dear President Trump,
It has now been nearly two years since you assumed the reins of power in this nation. During that time, you have managed to transform this nation into an international laughingstock. You have managed to ridicule each ally we have relied upon over the past 70 years and you have sought out the comforting embrace of authoritarian strongmen around the world. You have implemented policies that degrade those attempting to come to this nation to work, while defying any attempt at development of a comprehensive immigration plan in favor of simplistic, wasteful and environmentally harmful policy of installing a physical barrier across 2000 miles of trans-national border.
You have exhibited a total lack of emotional strength by insisting upon having your own way, and if you cannot get your own way, you pick up your ball and go home. Or go golfing. You spent over 1/4 of your first year of the Presidency at one of your own golf clubs, while the nation lacks diplomats at many of the embassies around the world where serious foreign issues need a strong American presence. You have created a brand new word linkage – when you hear the word No, it must be followed by the word Collusion, even though to any reasonable outside observer, they keep seeing more and more evidence of coordination and communication between members of the Trump campaign and representatives of Russia and its government. Coordination of activities and joint communication are two of the key components of collusion, even though collusion, in and of itself, is not a crime. However, using the actions coming from the coordination of activities to ensure success in your election does violate criminal statutes.
You demonstrate the attention span of a golden retriever as you flit from one superficial engagement to another, while totally ignoring the real problems facing this country and the world. You use the 280 character limit of a social media platform to announce huge military initiatives that had not been discussed with allies and Congress. You use that same platform to insult and demean anyone who deigns to disagree with you. You insist that your gut is smarter than thousands of PhD scientists on any and all subjects. Only you can solve the problems!
You use your position to enrich your family through extortion of your supplicants to put up their money by using your hotel facilities. You continue to insist that there is no evidence to link MBS with the death of Jamal Kashoggi, despite all of the mountain of evidence available via your intelligence services and the Turkish government. You continue to insist that there is no evidence of Russian government interference in creating influence campaigns in the US, and in the dissemination of stolen communications from the DNC. That despite the unanimous consensus of all who have investigated the situation and reported on the extensive Russian meddling.
You sit at cabinet meetings with your arms crossed in a pose of defiance, while your sycophants chant your praises and ooze with obsequiousness. You insist that your administration has accomplished more than any other US administration ever (cue the laughter from the international community), while you terrorize your own cabinet members with dismissive tweets and public statements of non-support. You allowed the Republican party to enact a tax reduction plan that makes our long-term deficit balloon, while whispering sweet susurrations about unprecedented growth, growth that will fade away into recession in 2019.
In all areas you have touched, the stench of your sleaze sticks and your efforts become doomed. At this point in your administration, I have only one recommendation for you.
Get a dog.
A dog will give you the unbridled devotion that you so obviously crave. It will open your eyes to the fact that you can verbally abuse the animal, and it will still come up to you, eyes wide open, tail wagging, affirming that you are the greatest creature in its existence. You need a dog to open your empathy ducts, since it is obvious that being the President of the United States has done nothing to make you human. Time to turn to the animal kingdom to arrest this descent into madness you have imposed upon this country.