Photo credit: Matt Barnard/Tulsa World Via AP. Photo of Tulsa rally 2020.
He viewed the slope going up to the microphone. Damn it, they forgot his explicit instructions that he was never to walk up or down an inclined plane. “Bring me my golf cart”.
One of his flunkies retrieved the golf cart from the hold of his plane, and drove up to him. He threw his 320- pound frame into the empty seat, and the cart took care of the hard work of the 1-10º slope right away. He swiveled his legs to the side, and gestured for the driver to go back behind the crowd until he was needed to go down at the end of his diatribe.
Once he assumed his place behind the teleprompters, he felt at ease. He stiffly raised his arm above his head, then did a little jig as the speakers blared out YMCA. Totally out of time with the music, he seemed to be a parody of himself. Still, his crowd ate it up, roaring a cry of “4 more years!” as he basked in the adulation he was receiving. It mattered little that the crowd only filled half of the available space, and the empty chairs stretched well beyond the section of the hanger allotted for the press.
He started with one of his sure-fire lines for success. “See all of the fake news out there. Probably waiting till I make some comment about poisoned blood so they can compare me to Hitler. Well, let me tell you now. Hitler had nothing on me. I’m going to be the greatest of all time. Folks will remember me before they remember that Hitler fellow. I’m going to start by executing all of these peddlers of fake news. Then maybe I’ll start to get some better coverage by what’s left of the fake news.”
His crowd ate this up. They began a chant of “Dead Fake News! Dead Fake News!” He listened for a while, then began again.
“I don’t know why these folks are so upset about a few words that I say. Just wait till I can use my powers again. Powers that should never have been taken away from me. Everyone knows I won that election. Those Democrats stole it from me. I had 7 million more votes than in ’16. They’ve never seen someone gain that many votes over a term. We should have stopped counting votes that first night on election day. Each day that went on, we lost more and more ground. I want to change the Constitution so that only votes cast and counted on Election Day count. No more of this voting till it turns out like the Deep State wants. I’ve had enough of that. Have you had enough of that?”
“Enough! Enough! Enough!” The crowd, although somewhat small, still made an impressive sound as they yelled in unison.
He smiled back at the crowd beatifically. He let the shouts decay, then began again before they had totally died away. “Of course, I still have to deal with all of these fake indictments against me. That totally evil man, Jack Smith. How I hate him! Did you know his wife hates me even more that Jack does? Those are two really evil people.”
A yell began to emerge from the crowd spontaneously. “Hang Jack Smith! Hang Jack Smith!”
He let the chant raise up to a deafening crescendo before he went on. “I need to get inside of that Justice Department and shred all of those folks who are trying to persecute me. They will never forget how I get my revenge on them. And you are going to help me, by voting for me, but more importantly, sending me money. I’ve begun a new thing. I need you to tithe to me as well as give to your church. Only if I have enough money can I bring down the evil doers who want to go after me.”
There was no unified response to this last statement. Just a sort of murmur that filled the arena with muffled sound.
“Of course, there’s evil we still need to face in this world. Can you believe they still want to waste money sending it to Ukraine? What I need is for people to let me get those countries to stand down. Why, I bet I can get Russia and Ukraine to stop fighting 6 hours after I get back in the White House. And why stop there? Can’t you just see it if we are friends with Putin, and Xi, and Kim Jong Un? We could tell all the rest of the world to follow us. We’d have all of the power then! These leaders are my friends. We can rule together!”
The crowd legitimately went crazy after that. Shouts rang out throughout the crowd, nearly drowning out the shots fired into the ceiling by some of the patriots who were packing. A part of the crowd broke away, seeking out the few news media still left in the hanger. “Kill them now! Kill them now!” You could make out a few people who were doing their best to bring about summary execution. Fortunately for the media, most managed to make it out of the doors. It was only a few who were set upon by the crowd and torn to pieces.
He was just about done now. Only a few more phrases to toss out to his ravenous hordes. “Just remember. They are coming after me only because I am protecting you. Without me, you would be at the mercy of those terrible, terrible people who want to tear down this country. If you want this country to be great, you must support me. I’m the only thing keeping them away from you.” And with that, he motioned for his cart to come around. It duly appeared, and he went down the treacherous slope with no hesitation. He rode in the golf cart all the way to his plane, because it would have been a hundred-yard walk. Nobody could expect him to make that kind of physical exertion. It might have caused his 6-pack to collapse. And we wouldn’t ever want to see that, would we?
Even A Broken Clock 